Family Guy - Episode Guide

Episodes » Season 3
Tot. Ep. # Title Original Airdate Production Code Media
29 301 The Thin White Line (1) July 11, 2001 2ACX17 Links (1)

In search of a thrill in life, Brian becomes a police dog. However, Brian's drug-sniffing job leaves him addicted to cocaine, so he must go into rehab. When he discovers that the clinic isn't helping, Brian decides to do a little soul-searching and leaves the family for parts unknown.

30 302 Brian Does Hollywood (2) July 18, 2001 2ACX20 Links (1)

Brian moves to Los Angeles with his cousin after his drug rehabiliation and inadvertently becomes a film director. The family decides to visit Brian for support in his new career, though it turns out Brian is directing pornography. Not wanting his family to find this out, he tries to cover it up.

31 303 Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington July 25, 2001 2ACX11 Links (1)

The toy factory at which Peter works is taken over by a cigarette company who hires Peter as the new president. He is then sent to Washington, D.C. as a lobbyist so they can create toys that encourage kids to smoke, and the entire family can't help but enjoy the perks that come with the job.

32 304 One If by Clam, Two If by Sea August 1, 2001 2ACX19 Links (1)

Everything in town is destroyed in Quahog after a hurricane—except the Drunken Clam, which is turned into a British pub by a man who becomes the Griffins' new neighbor. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to teach his new neighbor's crass English daughter how to drop her cockney accent and speak properly.

33 305 And the Wiener Is... August 8, 2001 2ACX22 Links (1)

Peter is intimidated by Chris's larger penis and then becomes very self-conscious about his own manhood, joining a gun club to make himself feel more masculine. Meanwhile, Meg becomes a flag-girl, and when she is humiliated by the popular kids at school, Lois devises a plan for revenge.

34 306 Death Lives August 15, 2001 2ACX21 Links (2)

On their wedding anniversary, Peter sends Lois all over Quahog on a scavenger hunt so he can go play golf. But when Peter gets struck by lightning and has a near-death experience, he meets Death again, who explains to Peter his marriage is in trouble if he doesn't have a revelation, and fast.

35 307 Lethal Weapons August 22, 2001 2ACX18 Links (1)

Lois takes tae-jitsu lessons to fight back against the leafers (New York tourists) overtaking the town, but worries that her violence may be a bad influence on her family. When anger management only makes everyone even more angry, they engage in an all-out brawl to get it out of their system.

36 308 The Kiss Seen Around the World August 29, 2001 3ACX02 Links (2)

Meg applies for an internship at Quahog 5 (due to her crush on news anchor Tom Tucker), but so does the annoying Neil. When she is reluctantly driven to kiss Neil, he broadcasts the word of their "love" on the news. Meanwhile, a bully learns not to mess with Stewie when he steals his new tricycle.

37 309 Mr. Saturday Knight September 5, 2001 3ACX04 Links (1)

Peter's boss, Mr. Weed, dies during a dinner with the Griffin family, and the toy factory is demolished as a result. Now unemployed, and failing to find himself other jobs, Peter decides to live his dream of being a Renaissance fair jouster, where he must defend his family's honor from his jerkwad idol.

38 310 A Fish Out of Water September 19, 2001 3ACX05 Links (1)

After nearly two weeks of unemployment, Peter decides to begin a new career as a fisherman, but faces problems when he has to pay off a boat loan, so he tries to catch the bounty for a legendary fish. Meanwhile, Lois takes Meg to the beach for spring break, but Lois ends up having more fun than Meg.

39 311 Emission Impossible November 8, 2001 3ACX01 Links (2)

After delivering Lois's sister's newborn child, Lois and Peter decide to have another baby, prompting Stewie to do whatever he can to stop it, even if it means shrinking himself and wiping out every sperm in Peter's testicles. However, when he meets a sperm just like himself, Stewie begins to reconsider.

40 312 To Love and Die in Dixie November 15, 2001 3ACX09 Links (1)

The family moves to the deep South when a criminal threatens to kill Chris for witnessing his crime. There Chris befriends a kid named Sam, whom he is forbidden to see by Sam's father when Peter questions the accuracy of a Civil War reenactment. But there seems to be more to Sam than meets the eye...

41 313 Screwed the Pooch November 29, 2001 3ACX08 Links (2)

The family visits Lois' parents, the Pewterschmidts, where Brian takes out all of his pent-up sexual energy on the Pewterschmidts' prize-winning racing greyhound, Sea Breeze. A custody battle then ensues when Sea Breeze is revealed to be pregnant, and Brian is threatened to be neutered.

42 314 Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother? December 6, 2001 3ACX06 Links (1)

While teaching Chris about his Irish heritage, Peter discovers that he has a black ancestor. When this affects his social status and he finds out that his ancestor was a slave to Lois's family, Peter fights back. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to learn mind control from the school cheerleaders.

43 315 Ready, Willing, and Disabled December 20, 2001 3ACX07 Links (2)

Joe feels discouraged after failing to catch a thief during a chase, so Peter tries to get his self-confidence back by entering him in a handicapped people's decathlon, but with Joe still helpless, he rigs his drinks with steroids. Meanwhile, Chris, Meg and Stewie fight over $26 in a money clip.

44 316 A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas December 21, 2001 2ACX03 Links (2)

It's Christmas time in Quahog, a time when Lois' plans for a perfect Christmas blow up in her face, causing her to break down and go berserk. Stewie uses his role as the baby Jesus in the town play to be good for Santa, about whom he has become paranoid, and to bring Lois back to Earth.

45 317 Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows January 17, 2002 3ACX03 Links (1)

Brian gets a DUI and is forced to care for a bitter, old woman who used to be a jingle singer. After discovering the woman's brighter past, Brian tries to brighten her life. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and discovers that a family of rare swallows have housed themselves in it.

46 318 From Method to Madness January 24, 2002 3ACX11 Links (1)

Stewie signs up for an acting class, where he's paired up with a stuck-up child star named Olivia. They become a hit, though the fame quickly sets in and they soon start bickering. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois object to Meg dating a nudist, though later have second thoughts after seeing her upset.

47 319 Stuck Together, Torn Apart January 31, 2002 3ACX10 Links (1)

Peter and Lois are advised to go through a trial separation after Peter becomes jealous over Lois reuniting with an old boyfriend, and he hooks up with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian get stuck together after Stewie plays around with industrial-strength glue.

48 320 Road to Europe February 7, 2002 3ACX13 Links (1)

Stewie becomes obsessed with a British kids' show and runs away to be part of the cast, and Brian gives chase in an attempt to bring him back. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois go to see a Kiss concert, where Lois reveals she knows nothing about the band, much to Peter's humiliation.

49 321 Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 February 14, 2002 3ACX12 Links (2)

Brian and Stewie host a special episode of Family Guy, featuring three non-canon stories created from viewer requests. No Bones About It - A genie comes to Peter to grant him wishes; his last wish makes it so that he has no bones and must deal with life as a lump of lard. Supergriffins - The Griffins are exposed to nuclear waste and gain superpowers, which lead them to terrorize the city. Li'l Griffins - Tot-like versions of Peter and Quagmire try to out-brave each other in a haunted house to impress Lois in this Little Rascals parody.

50 322 When You Wish Upon a Weinstein November 9, 2003 2ACX05 Links (2)

Peter prays for a Jewish person to help him with his money woes. After befriending a Jewish accountant, Max Weinstein, and discovering the wonders of their religion, Peter gets the idea of converting Chris to Judaism as soon as possible so he'll be successful in life, but Lois tries to stop him.